Category Archives: 2010

“Talk”rey calls for sacking Ash,D.P & S.M.Krishna

After appealing to sack  Union Law Minister,Mr Veerappa Moily on the grounds of him being a “Kannadiga”, Mr Bal Thackery has taken a step forward and has appealed for the sacking of following “Kannadigas” from Mumbai viz:

1>Former Maharasthra Governor, Mr S.M.Krishna

2>Bollywood Reigning Queen,Ms Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

3>Deepika Padukone.

Mr “Talk”rey addressed the press conference held yesterday in Mumbai. He was seen in his regular saffron attire and was found fuming. He said,”After sacking Union Minister,Mr Veerappa Moily,who is a Kannadiga and who is currently handling Maharasthra-Karnataka border issues, we are sacking Mr S.M Krishna,Aishwarya Rai and Deepika Padukone too from Mumbai”. Aishwarya Rai and Deepika Padukone are also Kannadigas and they dont have any right to continue acting in our Mumbai soil when we are having border issues with Karnataka”. Mr S.M Krishna who was our former Governor should also return back to Karnataka as he is a Kannadiga.

He continued,” I have written to the Hindi Film Chamber appealing for immediate removal of Aishwarya Rai and Deepika Padukone from the Hindi Film industry”. Their movies should be stopped screening. If our sena catches any Mumbaiker watching and supporting movies of Ash or Deepika, we will teach them a lesson. Also the products endorsed by Ash and Deepika like Nakshatra jewellery,pepsi,coke,vivel soap,loreal etc should be banned immediately.

We have also written a letter to Mr Amitji and Abhishekji appealing in “vinambrata” to send Ash back to Karnataka as she is a Kannadiga.” Our Sainiks will be vacating Deepika’s Mumbai house shortly and that will be utilised to provide shelter for deprived people in Mumbai. We wish Deepika all the best with her badminton racquet and Ash with her “plastic smile”. We are also planning to ban plastic in Mumbai,so we started  with Aishwarya Rai”.

“We are True Mumbaikars and we strive for the welfare of Mumbai and Mumbaikars.” If our “Mission Karnataka” is successful, we will subsequently launch “Mission North India” shortly!!”

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Bullock Cart Owners Strike demanding “Fare Hikes”

AIBCA- All India Bullock Cart Association has decided to demonstrate a “Peace Rally” urging  their demands to be met over their proposal to  “increase bullock cart fares”,following the footsteps of Auto Association. Now, Bullock Cart owners demand justice and are seeking “fare hikes” for their bullock cart transportation. The bullock carts have gone off farms,roads & highways and are adamant in protesting until their demands are met.

I caught up with Ram,a member of AIBCA. This is what Ram had to say, “Our bullocks  toil day in and day out in the farms,villages,bull fights,roads etc. Its unfair to treat them with such low dignity. “Gai hamara Maata hai,aur Bull hamara pita” [Cow is our Mother and Bull being her husband is our father],So,we should give Bulls the same respect we give to our Mother Cow”. On asked what AIBCA’s demands are,this is what Ram had to tell us:

1>New Fare: “We have now planning to increase the starting meter fare to Rs 100/-“

2>Fare Per Km: Rs 30/ – Bullocks travel on foot,while autos travel on wheels. Hence bullocks spend more energy and stamina to pull our carts along with passengers and their luggages. Hence our price should be 21/- more than auto fare

3>Waiting Charge: Whenever our passenger gets out of the cart to attend nature calls,sight seeing,capturing photos or gazing at our village belles, we charge them Rs 35/-

Gazing at Village belles- Rs 40/-

Talking or capturing pictures with them will attract a fee of Rs 100/-

Teasing them: Rs 500/- as we don’t tolerate eve teasing.

No no,we are not using village belles to make fast bucks..but instead we are safeguarding the interests of our  village belles.

4>Intervals and Time Restrictions: Our bullock carts will be off roads due to lunch break from Noon 1pm to 2 pm. Its time for our bullocks to hog on grass and fodder after their tiresome work schedule since morning.Also our carts will be off roads from 10pm to 5am. We need to return to our carts to “Bullock Cart Depot” after 10 PM. Our bullocks need rest after a tiresome day.

5>Night Rates:The night rates after 8pm is 1 and 1/2 times the normal fare. We do not wish to get into argument with our customers and we believe that our customers are aware of our new rates. “Price charts” will be produced to our customers on demand!

6>Luggage charge: Upto 10 Kgs free

For every 10 kg,its Rs 500/-. If luggages are placed on both the sides of bulls,then its Rs 500/- each.

Maximum luggage allowed is 50 kgs. Any luggage exceeding 50 kgs will not be borne by our bullocks and the commuter needs to discard the luggage no matter,how important it is.

7>Miscellaneous Expenses: The commuter also needs to pay for food,water and fodder for our bulls.

On enquiring,how they are going to charge the fares per km on account of absence of “meters” in bullock carts, Mr Ram smiled and said,”We are intelligent too!! It has been taken care of!” We are planning to install meters on the horns of bulls”.

On asked whether,the commuter will agree over baggage restrictions,Mr Ram angrily said,” When people can carry 23kgs correctly while flying in Lufthansa airlines and when they are ready to pay $100[which is about Rs 5000/-] extra for every extra bag, can’t they pay just Rs 500/- for extra baggage here?”

It seems that the bulls have disappeared off the farms leaving the farmers worried.The farms look barren,crops have withered and the lands are un-plowed. The matadors are also worried as bulls are now not participating in “bull fights”. The bulls have become adamant and have promised themselves not to compromise until their demands are met.

Well, wishing AIBCA,All the Best!!! :)

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Kasab to go on Paadayatra!

Following the footsteps of Congress Govt, now Kasab is all set to go on Paadayatra to prove his innocence and guilelessness. Kasab’s spokesperson said, “Kasab is a great fan of Mahatma Gandhi. He just like Gandhi,who has neither harmed anyone nor committed any crime since childhood. He is as innocent as a child. He is impressed by Gandhiji’s silent protests like “salt satyagraha”, “padayatras” etc and wish to follow suit. His Paadayatra route has been decided. He will be going on a Paadayatra from Mumbai->Delhi->Kashmir. His final destination is Kashmir.He plans to meet his fellow brothers in Kashmir.He will discuss some plans with them over his one month stay. He will return by the same route. His former lawyers viz “Ms Anjali Waghmare, Mr Abbas Kazmi will also be accompanying him”.

Kasab poured out his tale of woe: “Actually, on Nov 26th 2008, few friends of mine and me were playing the game “Counter Strike” LIVE at CST,Nariman House and Taj. Two days before,we had purchased toy guns from Leo Toys for the same. We were possessing our toy guns,aiming and shooting at people surrounding us, playing “Counter Strike”. They too were complimenting our game by acting like “falling dead”. Then suddenly,sounds of alarms and sirens echoed in our ears. We were baffled and confused when ATS and police surrounded and arrested us. All these things happened within a bat of my eyelid and I m still introspecting what is wrong”.

Kasab continued, “I was also ill-treated by the Indian Government”.They tossed me English chargesheet after convicting me. I had to spend hours together in front of the  internet which was provided to me in Arthur jail to learn English.It was a herculean task,but I finally learnt English and spoke few words during my trials”. Indian Govt also fed me Chicken Biryani from some random hotel despite my repeated pleas to order it from KFC! I m deeply hurt”.

“My farms in Pakistan are now barren,crops have withered and died due to the time delay of this case proceedings.Its been almost 2 years now since my arrest. My tear glands are now empty after having shed tears continuously for my mummy.I have cried “Mummy Mummy” like a kid in front of the officials,but they turned deaf ears. They too have Mummys .. Can’t they understand my pain? I wish to return to my family and also look after my farms. After all,I am a farmer in Pakistan”. I humbly request the Indian Govt to conclude this case ASAP so that I can reunite with my family”

Well,wishing Kasab,All the Best for his Paadayatra,this is Swathi Pradeep signing off!! :) ;)

paadayatra?

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Filed under 2010, corruption, Politics, Terrorism

Mr “Talk”reys New Discovery!!

Live from “Shiv Sena Lab”: Renowned Researchers Mr Bal Thackery and Mr Raj Thackery have now discovered a new cause for “Malaria” and “Dengue” Fever! Mr Raj Thackery was seen in a white overcoat,donning  microscopic spectacles and holding a test tube in his hands at the press conference. “We are now pleased over our new discovery”! “We now know the exact reason for Malaria and Dengue rise statistics in Mumbai. We caught hold of some “outsiders” in Mumbai,suck their blood and have now researched that “outsiders” in Mumbai are responsible for spreading Malaria and Dengue. So,now we pronounce that, Malaria is now caused by “outsiders” residing in Mumbai, and not by Plasmodium falciparum as stated in Biology Books” Mr Raj Thackery said.

On enquiring,how he procured samples of “outsiders” blood, he smirked and quipped,”Acquiring Blood samples is not a herculean task for “Blood Suckers” like us”!!. Previous day,Mr Bal Thackery was seen running naked on the streets of Mumbai shouting “Eureka Eureka”!! On being stopped by a Mumbaikar and enquired about his state, Mr Bal Thackery said,”I was bathing in my bath tub pondering over the rise in Malaria and Dengue Fever statistics in Mumbai.Then suddenly my mind analysed that the culprits are “Outsiders”. I was elated over my discovery and did not mind my nakedness. I triumphantly ran naked on the streets of Mumbai just like Archemedis did”.

Mr Raj Thackery also said,” We have now sent a letter to Maharasthra’s Education Ministry appealing in “vinambrata” to edit Biology syllabus. We have asked them in “vinambrata” to edit the cause for Malaria as “outsiders in Mumbai” instead of “Plasmodium falciparum . We have also written to “All Out” and “Odomos” manufacturing companies to now invent and manufacture sprays,gels and ointments which are “Anti- Outsiders”.

“Our Saamna will publish the details of our discoveries,research,analysis and aftermath”, Mr Bal Thackery said.

My comic on the same issue:

malaria-dengue?

You can view my other comics on my Comics Blog, http://swathipradeep-comics.blogspot.com

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Letter from Orphan/Special Children

This is a letter sent from Orphan/Special Children to all the Supporting Facebookers :) ;)

Dear Facebookers,

We,Orphans and Special children, profusely thank you for all the “volunteering”,”kind heart”edness,”empathy”,”philanthropy”,”support” and “interest” bestowed upon us by posting “status messages”  educating your fellow facebookers and in turn appealing for our “acceptance”!! We are truly indebted in you for your time,facebook space,patience,propaganda and interest. Kudos to You ALL!!

The aftermath of your postings,thereby challenging your fellow facebookers to update their statuses,questioning the “existence” of their hearts is..”Many people now know the meaning of “special children” and their “special needs”. They know the bereavements of “orphan children”. They have now realised to “accept” us.

Our friends tell us that their “news feeds” are full of such status messages posted for 1 hour for our “welfare”. All these couldn’t be achieved sans your “support”.

Since messages posted on Facebook compounds drastically,we now have every facebooker frantically updating his/her news feed with messages “appealing” for our “upliftment” and “acceptance”.We feel immensely satiated,gratified and elated witnessing numerous people standing up for “us” and our “needs”.

At the same time,we have received immense “donations”,”acceptance”,”love”,”adoptions”,”encouragement” & “appreciation” from a commendable lot! We feel “euphoric” over our “victory”! But what’s disappointing is that,all the above mentioned “receptions” are only in “virtual” form. But as the saying goes,”Something is better than Nothing”.!! :)

We again profusely thank you all for your “empathy”,”philanthropy” and “support”. We pray in the deepest of our hearts that “Someday,all these “Virtual” receptions/acceptances/philanthropy/blessings turn “REAL”!!

Thanking You!

Yours Sincerely,

Bereaved Lot!

P.S: If you wanna do something in “REAL” for orphan/special  children(instead of spamming your friend’s “news feeds” for 1 hour with your “Virtual” help/appeal messages),then do visit this website:http://wow-a-ngo.blogspot.com/

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2011 Padma Award Prospects

Before we take a ‘Sneek-Peek’ at “PROSPECT Nominations for 2011 PADMA Awards”,India’s highest civilian awards, lets do some home work on “What are PADMA Awards?”

Padma Awards, India’s highest civilian awards, are conferred in three categories, namely, Padma Vibhushan, Padma Bhushan and Padma Shri.

The awards are given in all disciplines/ fields of activities, viz. art, social work, public affairs, science and engineering, trade and industry, medicine, literature and education, sports, civil service, etc.

‘Padma Vibhushan’ is awarded for exceptional and distinguished service; ‘Padma Bhushan’ for distinguished service of high order and ‘Padma Shri’ for distinguished service in any field.

I am sure you all must be now aware of the shortlisted receivers of PADMA Award 2010 by now.

Lets take a quick look at Prospect Nominations for 2011 PADMA Awards! ( I know its too early,but pls bear with me..)


Category A: Civil Service
Nominees:
1>Our Beloved S.P.S Rathore: How can we miss the contribution of  this “gentleman” who rendered Excellent “Civil Service” by molesting a budding tennis player,Ruchika 20 years ago,made her family and brother go through HELL and also abetted  her suicide.

He also had the tendency of keeping this a “Secret for 20 years”!! Come on… Can you keep a secret for 20 years??!!

2>Sub Inspector(oops,i forgot his name.. or was it mentioned anywhere in the news?),who single-handedly took 3 Pakistani Terrorists for Picnic to Delhi and “FORGOT” to bring them back!

Category B : ART

Nominees:
1>Rakhee Sawant : for maintaining her  “Drama Queen” image, her candid admissions of various “Plastic Surgeries” on her body and for her “Skin Show”!
Come on man! When Aish can get a PADMA for Over-acting and Plastic Smile last year, why cant “our” Rakhee Sawant?!!
After being conferred PADMA,she will  host a new show “Rakhee Ki Sanmaan” aired by NTDV Imagine (as we can all Imagine)!!
2>Deepika Padukone: For portraying “National Integrity” by flaunting her legs when wearing a Frock,singing in Hindi(despite being a Kannadati),her plastic smile and extremely “Out of Sync” Lip Movement for the song “Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara”!(Wait a minute,this was supposed to be a Patriotic Song right?!)DP darling,what did the makers of this video tell you? A “Candle Light Dinner” with Ranbir or a shoot for “Patriotic Song”??

What do you call this goof up? A “Wardrobe Malfunction?!”

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Open Letter to MMS

Dear Manmohan Singh,
First of all I appreciate the benevolence,”kind hearted “ness,amicability which your govt have bestowed on a Pakistani Terrorist since 1 and 1/2 years! The entire citizens of India would have appreciated your govt even more if you had bestowed all these traits on the Indian citizens in your reign instead!!

I m currently in the dilemma whether I should be proud of our Judicial system or be agitated by it! I sincerely think the concept of “giving a chance to a terrorist” who caused massacre claiming the lives of around 200 people and injuring 1000’s of them during 26/11 mumbai attacks is extremely RIDICULOUS!

I know its in the rule book,but don’t you think your govt should be wise enough to distinguish between a criminal(who is a citizen of India) and a terrorist(who is a pakistani?) If you blindly keep on applying “Hard and Fast” rules cited in rule book to each and every criminal or terrorist in spite of their nationality,then your sending very clear signals to the world that “Indian Judicial system is FARCE” and we Indians are “Soft Targets”!

I understand your hands are tied and you have no power in anything,but do you seriously think Kasab should have been provided with amenities like “High Class Security”,Lawyer to defend him and pleasures and royal life in prison which he is leading currently? He is enjoying his life in prison as if its his mother’s wedding!!

Let me tell you that “crores of rupees” which your govt spent on Kasab lavishly for his security,lawyer etc belong to the citizens of India and that money is Not yours! Being a PM, doesn’t entitle you or your govt to spend taxpayers money lavishly that too on a person who is NOT an Indian!!

That astronomical sum is an agglomeration of  millions of Indian taxpayers money which is earned by toiling day and night to keep their both ends meet! That money is also  mine,my dad’s,my bro’s,my family’s,my friends’ and billions of other Indians!! Let me tell you,unlike you,we all do not sit in A/C chambers in Rasthrapati Bhavan and receive orders from above for our livelihood! We sweat our brow and earn that money! So what gave you & your govt the right to spend that money which is NOT even yours at the first place??

Being a former Finance Minister of India,are you aware of the statistics of unemployed youth? poor people? poor pheasants? malnourished children? uneducated youth? uneducated children? orphan children ? children undergoing “child labor”?, harrassed women? widowed women etc?

Have you or your govt ever done or ever felt like doing anything to all the people mentioned above to provide them “Quality Life” in spite of them being the citizens of India??!!
I know you are an altruistic person,but aren’t you aware of the saying,”Charity begins at Home”??!!

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Filed under 2010, Open Letters, Politics